*Note: It’s been two months since I started working again. I began working on this post the night before my first day and it is interesting to re-read and reflect on my feelings and thoughts before beginning work. Now that I have returned to work for about two months now, I have to admit that adapting wasn’t as challenging as I thought. I still have my thoughts of wanting to be home, but I do have a very fortunate situation where my in-laws are watching my son at our home.
Looking at my wonderings earlier, I find that these are still valid for me right now. It’s not something that is is “fixed” but I believe it is something that will uncover itself on its own. I’m still trying to get a hold of my goals and setting new rhythms. To be honest, creating rhythms and routines have always been a challenging of mine. I feel that I am now just starting to root into my role as a working mama, where I am learning about balance and giving myself permission to be a little “slower” in organizing this aspect of my life.
Intended to be posted on January 4, 2019
How will my identity shift?
How am I going to get a handle on life?
How will I spend quality time with T when I go back to work?
So in exactly a week, I begin work again. In exactly a week, I’ll become a working mom. Prior to having T, I never thought that I would be in a position where I dread going to work. I love my job. I love teaching Kindergarten and inspiring little humans to be thoughtful, inquisitive, and playful humans. However, going back to work is much more challenging than I thought. As an educator, I will be watch other people’s children…while someone else watches mine. I’ll be supporting their discoveries and learning, while I miss out on mine. I’ll be catching their milestones, while someone else witnesses mine.
But there’s the catch.
I keep emphasizing how T is mine, and he’s really not mine. He is his own being, figuring out his purpose and life in this universe. And for some reason, that feels reassuring for me. So I pretty much answered that dilemma I had, right now.
I was reading the book A New Earth by Eckart Tolle and I stumbled upon his section on parenthood. This quote really resonated with me because it reminded me that our children are their own human beings where they will have their own journey with experiences and relationships that may not be parallel to our own.
Now, the next thing for me to get a hold of is figuring out how I am going to transition into the new me. There will be a lot of changes in my life. I know that the first thing that I have to do is to figure out a new rhythm because everything will be changing. The time I wake up, the moments that I spend with T, the times that I have for myself, ensuring that I have enough rest, and not waste all my free time on social media.
Knowing that I will be returning to work and my routine and lifestyle will shift once again; I know that I will need tools that will support me and guide me through this transition. I needed tools and I love to read and find different strategies that might work for me. I also have goals that I hope I can continue to work on.
- Create a rhythm where I can balance my work life and my role as a mother
- Spend less time on social media and the screen.
- Find ways to be present and make sure to find time for myself to do something for myself.
Two resources to help me are:
I discovered Lifeways North America through my Joyful Beginnings Course at the Toronto Waldorf School. I was expressing my challenges with returning to work to watch other children, while someone else watches mine and my teacher referred me to Lifeways as a possible option to resolve my issue. At this moment, going back to work was neccessary; however, opening a home childcare is something that I have been giving much thought for over the last couple of weeks. So instead, I figured I can just gather some data and research right now and sit with this idea a bit longer.
LifeWays is a philosophy that is inspired by Rudolf Steiner, who is a the founder of Waldorf Education. They focus on home life and creating a childcare space that celebrates the importance of relationships, “daily life”, and outdoor exploration.
This course has a new lesson for every month of the year that provides you with the opportunity and ideas to find time to create a nurturing home environment for your child.
I found that their course is practical to go through and easy to adapt in my life. It was also refreshing to discover something that truly resonates with my philosophy as a parent, an educator, and as an individual who is figuring herself out.
Each month, the lessons are broken into four components: Creative Exploration, Nurturing Care, Practical Activities, and Social awareness. This allows the student to go through each lesson and figure out which activity they can incorporate it into their own lifestyle. I loved how they had areas for journalling which I included into my Limitless Planner.
This planner was created by my brother who also loves to research and apply what he learns to improve his quality of life. He decided that he needed a planner that can help him stay on track of his long term goals, habits, and organizing his daily life.
What I love about his planner is that it is so open ended for each individual. You can add to it in any way that suits your needs. For me, I needed a place to track all my appointments, important days for teaching, and my endless to-do lists.