Hi everyone! It’s been a while since my last post here at CuriousMamas. Between work, school runs, weekend activities and gym trips, writing fell by the wayside—yet I’ve missed it. My review of How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kidsstill ranks in Google’s top spots, and I’m so grateful for everyone who read it and reached out with feedback.
Today I want to share a quick review of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. As the dad of a soon-to-be seven-year-old boy, I find myself struggling with the same battles many parents face: negotiating iPad time, ending playtime, and deciding on weekends. One moment he’s my little pandemic-bike-buddy; the next he’s zipping ahead on his own, asserting his independence—and pushing every boundary.I’ve begun listening on Audible, and the change is already noticeable. Instead of shouting, “Put down the iPad and get in the shower—now!” I tried one of the book’s techniques:“I’d hate to stop too (He was playing Jurassic World – The Game on my iPad) — it looks so exciting. I’m worried you’ll miss bedtime story with Mommy.”
Just that shift—acknowledging his feelings instead of bluntly saying “No”—has made our evenings smoother and more cooperative. Below is a summary of the book’s five core challenge-areas, with insights, concrete tips and parent-to-parent role-play exercises you can try at home. Feel free to adapt the wording to your family’s style or turn each card into a collapsible section on your site.
1. Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings
Children need their emotions named and validated before they can calm down—dismissing feelings only escalates tantrums.
Tips
Acknowledge: “I see you’re really upset.”
Name the feeling: “That must feel disappointing.”
Invite expression: “Want to tell me what happened?”
Be present: Sit quietly beside them until they’re ready.
Role-Play Exercise
Setup: Parent A acts as the upset child (“I hate bedtime!”).
Action: Parent B practices three different acknowledgement lines, then pauses to let the “child” vent.
2. Engaging Cooperation Without Nagging
Describing what you see builds connection; commands build walls. Children respond when they understand both the observation and your feeling.
Tips
Describe: “I see trucks all over the floor.”
State your feeling: “I feel worried someone might trip.”
One-word cue: A calm “Oops!” when you spot a spill.
Ask for input: “How shall we get these toys back on the shelf?”
Role-Play Exercise
Setup: Parent A plays the resistant child (“No, I’m not doing it!”).
Action: Parent B practices describing what they see, stating a feeling, and asking for input.
Swap & Debrief: “I was more willing when you explained why.” / “Try offering a choice next time.”
3. Alternatives to Punishment
When children understand the impact of their actions and are invited to help solve the problem, they learn responsibility—punishment breeds resentment.
Tips
Describe the effect: “When crayons are on the wall, they’re hard to clean.”
State a positive request: “Please use paper for your art.”
Offer a choice: “Do it now or after your snack?”
Show respect: “I know stopping is tough.”
Role-Play Exercise
Setup: Parent A “scatters” toys.
Action: Parent B uses:Effect descriptionPositive requestChoiceRespectful comment
Swap & Feedback: Discuss tone—“Your request felt fair because…” / “Next time, emphasize the choice more.”
4. Encouraging Autonomy & Confidence
Small choices and guided practice build children’s problem-solving muscles and self-esteem.
Tips
Offer choices: “Apples or grapes?”
Show how: “Here’s how I button this—your turn.”
Invite effort: “Need help or want to try solo?”
Normalize mistakes: “It’s okay if it spills; let’s try again.”
Role-Play Exercise
Setup: Parent A is the hesitant child (“I can’t do it!”).
Action: Parent B offers two real choices, demonstrates the task, then asks if they want help.
Swap & Discuss: “Which prompt felt most empowering?” / “I liked when you stepped back after offering help.”
5. Using Descriptive (Not Evaluative) Praise
Describing effort and outcome helps children internalize pride—generic “Good job!” becomes background noise.
Tips
Action description: “You lined up cars by size!”
Feeling description: “You look so proud!”
Process focus: “You kept trying until it fit.”Avoid labels: Skip “You’re so smart.”
Role-Play Exercise
Setup: Parent A “shows” an imaginary drawing.
Action: Parent B practices giving one action-focused description and one feeling-focused description.
Swap & Reflect: “Which praise felt more genuine?” / “How did it affect your ‘pride’ as the child?”
I hope these tips help you as much as they’re helping me. Please share your experiences or questions in the comments below—I’d love to hear how you put these into practice! I’ll follow up with a deeper review when I’ve finished the whole book.
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